Looking for Daddy Confessions

As I was savoring my last sips of coffee and checking my Facebook account, my daughter began to whimper as she was waking up from her morning nap. I didn't budge. In fact, I let her whimpers become louder cries until I thought, "What am I doing?". "My only job here is to be a good mother and I'm checking FB while my child cries out for me".
After further reflection, and some more coffee, I decided that surely there have to be worse "crimes" committed by tired parents. I talk to my girlfriends about this a lot....about the things that would definitley win us "Mother of the Year" awards, but what about our husbands? What do they do when we're not around that would make us look like saints?
So.....come on dads.....give us the low-down (anonymously, of course) about the funny, embarassing, not-your-proudest-moment moments of being fathers. Moms, you can participate, too, but it must be a story about your husband's short-comings, not yours!
(Oh, and just so you, know.....my daughter fell back to sleep, and I am drinking another cup of much-needed coffee!)